There are no words.

None at all, to accurately convey just how stressful this move has been.

Day ONE: the auto hauler gets a flat AND collapses in the center, stranding us in St Louis for 24 hours...on the side of 64/40 for 3 of those hours. The mechanic who rescued us said the flat saved M's life. If the hauler would h e collapsed while on the highway the truck would have flipped. Scary. I'll elaborate more on these 24 hours soon.

Once we got back on the road it was pretty smooth sailing. The babies are such troopers, bless their little hearts. They've really hung in there.

We have 300 miles to go and our fingers are crossed that they go smoothly.

The first pic is the babies upon arrival in Knoxville.

The second pic is in metropolis, il (home of superman).

The third pic is our first view of the cumberland mtns.

Fourth pic is sunset in metropolis/Paducah.

Fifth pic is Fancy in our Knoxville hotel room adjusting the temps.

Sixth pic, more metropolis.

And the last pic is Coach in our Knoxville hotel room.

Sorry for the format, I'm posting from my phone and it's a pita.

{Eastward HO!}

In a little more than 24 hours this train leaves for NC.  Incredible.  I know its all I've blogged about for probably the last several months, but its mind blowing that its FINALLY go time.  Our house closed ahead of schedule last week and our sweet realtor (who's taking care of everything for us) said the house looks fabulous and is waiting patiently for us.

I can't wait to get there, get unpacked and get my piggies into the Atlantic.  Also, I'm excited about decorating. I haven't ever really gotten the chance, so I'm pumped.  I'm REALLY pumped about the nursery.  My step sister is the most amazing "finder" out there.  She finds the most amazing things on Craigslist, ebay, etc for fabulously cheap prices.  She found this bedding (with the intent to use it for her own children and changed her mind):

Why yes, discontinued Serena & Lily "Lucy" and "Henry" MATCHING collections.  Incredible.  These suckers retail for a little over $500 each.  

We're painting the walls the darker green in the fabric and still unsure on the curtains.  I'm ridiculously excited.  My babies are 14 months old and are just now getting the nursery of my dreams.  Woops.  I guess better late then never, right?  The kitchen will most likely be a rich (but light) beige, tan and the living room is still very much up in the air.  Our couches are a light brown, so any kind of tans or beiges on the wall in there will be too much.  I'm considering an accent wall in a bold color, but I'm pretty sure I'll chicken out on that.  My idea was to do a barely there color and go bold on the curtains and decor (red, most likely), but now I'm not sure.  

Truck's loaded, Jeeps on the trailer and in the morning, M's headed out!  

I'm enjoying our time in Missouri, but I'm ready to have my family back in one piece.  My babies miss their daddy and I miss my rock.  The babies also miss Nellie.  They've been calling every dog they see, Nellie.  

In the midst of all this moving, my kindle broke and our stroller is being a little finicky.  The good news is, the stroller isn't broken, just temperamental.  The kindle is a goner.  We're probably going with a kindle touch this time, so I guess all isn't lost.  I looooove my kindle.  Its killing me to see it and not be able to use it.  

On the stroller front, we're getting a jogger!  I want this one:  

You'll recognize this as the BOB Duallie tipping the scales at just under $700 (before taxes and shipping).

M wants something more reasonably priced like this:  

InStep Safari Grand Jogger coming in at an affordable $225 (before taxes and shipping).  

OR this:

InStep Safari Tandem Jogger, similarly priced to the one above.  

This is getting a little nit picky, but the sun shades are just not doing it for me on either InStep model.  The BOB shades come all the way down like our City Mini Double:  

Love this stroller so much, but its not a jogger.  Totally not a crime to have multiple strollers for multiple uses.  

I do like the InStep tandem model.  I love having them side-by-side, but I feel like life could be easier to maneuver in a tandem.  I've heard most people don't like their tandem strollers because they are hard to control, but if its just for jogging and outside fun, who really cares?  That right there is evidence that we don't need to spend $700 on a stroller, isn't it?  Damn.  

Thanks for listening to my stroller babble.  Its keeping my mind off of the final inspection tomorrow morning. Back to paint, kindle and stroller hunting to keep myself sane :)  Next time I blog, I'll probably be "Gone to Carolina"! 

{pool time!}

Its been hotter than hades here and everyone knows the only reprieve from the summer heat is some pool time!  

For the record, I narrowed that down from HUNDREDS of pictures taken today.  What?  

I've also been hoarding some pics from our trip so far.  I convinced my dad to let me upload "some" (292 in total).  Here's our trip so far!

This child loves to be photographed.  I swear when I pull out the camera she gets all doe eyed and lovely.  She's starting to pose also.  We're in big trouble ;)  

Our sweet boy.  The big photo was "somewhere" in KS and the rest are from our first walk once we got to my dad's house.  

That prairie church I mentioned a couple posts back.  Shitty pic, but you get the idea, right?

Yes, Coach is wearing Fancy's pink hat.  He wanted to wear it, so I put it on him.  I love this pic.  If he's got a problem with it later in life, I'll change it to b/w or sepia.  I personally think pink looks fabulous on everyone!

Coach calling daddy.  He's really into it in the big pic!

This is majorly narrowed down.  I didn't feel like watermarking tons of pictures.  

We're having fun in CoMo, but so anxious to get on the road and get our new life started.  As I mentioned, its hotter than shit here right now.  Its been in the mid 90's with like 90% humidity.  What-the-fuck mother nature?  You wait until I get here and blast this place with heat and unbearable humidity?  We went garage saling this a.m. and I was dripping (seriously) within like 30 seconds.  We're moving to somewhere EVEN hotter and more humid, so I realize I need to get used to it, but come on.  No segway at all, just BAM crazy fucking heat.  

Babes are doing well.  They're missing daddy something fierce, but I'm hoping they can understand when he gets here.  They've been calling random people "dada" and it breaks my heart.  They started calling my dad "dada".  They're so confused :(  When they talk to daddy on the phone they seem to remember who dada really is though.  Just a few more weeks of chaos.  I hope.  

I'm getting a jogging stroller (on the cheap) soon.  I'm excited to implement two 20+lb babies into my workout routine.  I can't tell any difference in size yet.  I still look like a whale.  I'm going to be excited for the day when I can look in the mirror and feel pretty again.  I hope that day comes soon.  I'm gonna work hard for it.  

That's really it for us.  We're seeing some family tomorrow and Monday and eating some yuuuuuummy bbq. I guess that would derail the diet a smidge, but at least its just a couple days.  

{Life in Missouri}

Hi!

{P.S. For all you judgy mcjudgersons, we tightened and adjusted the chest strap on Coach's carseat before we got back on the road.}

I don't have my computer and I'm not sure where my camera cord is so I can't upload my camera pics.  You'll have to settle for a couple iphone pics until I get to NC and get settled.  Ya, we're talking a couple weeks on that.  I know, it irks me too.

The babies are having fun (missing daddy though).  They're having a tough time sleeping here.  Its getting better.  They'll be snoozing pro's soon and then we'll have to leave for the next leg of this crazy journey.  Poor babies :(  They're soaking up lots of love here though.  I don't have much to blog about, but I'll try to keep blogging pictures.  

{The first leg}

Well, the first leg of our journey is complete!

May 21 we set out for Missouri.  My mom was sweet enough to make the trip with us.  We couldn't have done it without her!  Thanks for EVERYTHING, mom!  I'm glad the babies got this time with Grammy too :)  We left Denver around 9am.  As I left my house, my driveway, my subdivision for the last time, I felt a little twinge of "oh shit" building up in my belly.  Thankfully, it passed.  I'll miss Colorado, no doubt about it.  I mean, the two most incredible people EVER were born here!  The good news is, we can visit whenever we feel the least bit "homesick".  I doubt M gets much of that.  He's raring to go.  He doesn't leave CO for another week and a half.  One last stick-it-to-ya from Uncle Sam.

Uncle Sam has been good to us (mostly), so I won't complain too much.  The babies slept right out of the gates, completely oblivious to the massive change engulfing them.  They did so great the whole day.  No crying at all.  Seriously.  We stopped in the town I was born in, Hays KS, and got some baby milk, fruit, etc for the rugrats.  I tried telling the babies all about Kansas and what we were seeing, but they just laughed.  I guess that's the normal reaction when you try to talk up Kansas.

We stopped for the evening in Salina KS.  The hotel we stayed at (Holiday Inn) was sort of off the beaten path.  Right across the street was an old prairie church sitting in a hay field.  As the sun set that field looked like it had caught fire.  It was incredible.  I tried getting some pictures, but my lense wasn't up for the task.  I'll upload and edit as soon as I get a chance.

The next morning we were once again "on the road again" *sang like Willie Nelson*.  We made it from Salina to Topeka and stopped for lunch there.  Steak -n- Shake, lunch of champions.  That's the one bad thing about travelling (ok, there's more than one), nothing but junk to eat.  We made it to our destination in Missouri around 4pm and we've been settling in here since then.

Coach and Fancy crawled right up to my dad and put their arms up to be held.  That.never.happens.  There's usually a good 30 minutes of crying and scrambling up into our arms before they'll relax and play with someone they're not super familiar with.  I think the week with my mom helped that.  They seem to be adjusting well.  Bedtime was a bit of a nightmare, but I expected that.

I've got babies crawling all over me, I'll have to finish this later.

{How's it going?}

I've gotten some calls, emails, texts from people asking how things are going with the move.  I have every intention of responding, so don't get upset with me just yet ;)  I figured I could kill a couple birds with one stone on here.

You know how it is.  Stressful, exhausting, not enough hours in the day.  But, we're very excited to leave tomorrow.  Holy shit, today's our last day in Colorado. 

The babies wanted to say hi though!

{deep breaths}

 

Its officially my last week in Colorado.  Ya.  I'm not sure how I feel other than extremely anxious.  EXTREMELY anxious.  The walls are closing in on me!  My mom comes tomorrow, its nearly midnight and I haven't even begun to think about clearing her room.  Woops. 

Wanna know what I did all day?  Online shopped for baby clothes we don't need.  Actually, let me clarify.  I spent hours and hours putting stuff in the cart, reassessing and taking it out of the cart.  I started at Carters/Oshkosh B'Gosh (Did you know they were the same company?  News to me.) after a couple hours of contemplation and obsessively clicking "add to cart", I deleted everything and moved to Children's Place.  I hopped between Gymboree, Baby Gap and a few others and I left empty handed.  That's right, I didn't buy anything.  This is what happens when I get overwhelmed.

Also, Coach has palpable (meaning you can feel them) lymph nodes in his neck and groin area.  They're not inflamed or swollen (though some are bigger than others) and they don't have any of the characteristics of "scary" nodes, but it still freaks me the fuck out and I worry endlessly.  After a quick inspection (or five) I've discovered that Fancy has them too.  Not as prominent, but they are there and the same size.  Despite the pedi telling me they are normal (many many times) I still spend hours on google going through hundreds of links.  All the while having trouble catching my breath. 

Welcome to my life.  Anxiety is hideous, isn't it?  I know what you're thinking and you're right.  It is ridiculous to live like this.  It impossible to function when I get overwhelmed and the anxiety monster takes over.  Frankly, I'm worried M will decide he's had enough and peace out.  He's wonderful and he's never given me a moment's alarm on that account, but I still worry.  I can't control this.  I feel like a puppet.  I definitely need to figure out a way to get a hold of myself during my 2-week reprieve in Missouri. 

Other than the bullshit mentioned above, the move is going ok.  Boxes are getting packed and its starting to look pretty bare around here.  I'm not looking forward to leaving M for 2 weeks.  That's 2 weeks he'll be without his babies and we'll be without him.  That's a long time for a daddy.  Its necessary for us to go.  It will be easier on him and me (and my anxiety-see, always there) and the babies.  Its important for us to make this move as easy as possible on them.  We'll head to MO on Monday morning for two weeks, then M and I will head for Nashville where we plan on spending a day to rest and be tourists (should be super easy with pets, right?) and then we'll wake up and head for our new home. 

I wish I was more excited.  I'm excited about the end game.  I'm excited to get to NC and start our new life, but from now until then will be interesting.  I keep telling myself that this is life.  Things change, people move.  We're a military family, why am I having this much trouble?  M loves our new home.  LOVES it.  I know I will too.  I just don't deal well with change.  Our life has been here for almost four years.  That's a long time.  I was 25 when we moved here.  I'll be 29 in a month and a half. 

We don't like it here, but its familiar.  Its home (for now).  I'm going to miss my beloved Rocky Mtns something fierce.  The legendary Baby Doe, Molly Brown, Leadville, and every other wonderful little thing about this place.  I haaaaaaaaate the snow, but I bet after a hot, sticky summer in NC I'll be begging for it.  Well, maybe.  I really don't like snow or cold weather.

I guess this post was more word vomit than anything really thought provoking.  Because I'm so interesting to read every other day, right?!?  

{Mother's Day}

Today I'm celebrating my second Mother's Day and my own mom's 28th Mother's Day.  All my life I have dreamed of being a momma.  Now that I am one, I can unequivocally say it exceeds even my wildest expectations and dreams.

As I speak, the two wonderful beings that made me a mother are playing together so sweetly.  Its almost nap time and every few minutes they'll walk up to me, crawl into my lap and lay their heads on my shoulder.  For just a minute, but a minute is enough.  Then another burst of endless toddler energy and they're off to play once more.

What a blessing motherhood is.  Its by far and away the hardest thing I've ever done, but also the very best.  Sometimes, long after the babies have gone to sleep, I sneak in to watch them sleep.  I just marvel at God's (near) perfect design.  I am so thankful for them and the miracle that they are. 

After my ectopic I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to celebrate Mother's Day as a mother.  My mercifully short stay in the infertility world made me realize that could be a reality and very much is reality for many women struggling to get pregnant.  So to all the mothers (birth, adopted, foster, surrogate, soon-to-be, etc.), today's your day.  Celebrate. 

M is working today and so the babies and I have been playing and snuggling on this poopy, cold, Colorado spring day.  Our LAST week in Colorado.  Ohfuck. 

She was really upset when her headband fell.

It just hit me that I have a week left in Colorado.  Feelings of panic, excitement and sadness are rushing through me.  Fear because our whole life is changing.  Excitement, well, we've been waiting for this day for almost 4 years.  We have a beautiful house (almost closed) and a beautiful new area to explore and fall in love with.  Sadness, this is our home.  Where our babies were conceived and born, this is where we became a family.  

I'm overwhelmed in a major way.  The first of many emotions, I'm sure.  

{Speechless}

It looks like our new home has sadly passed a new amendment. 

I just don't understand. 

{remote business}

The twins have enough toys for half of the kids in Colorado, but for some reason, they'd rather play with the TV/DVD/Wii remotes.

Fancy's talking on the "phone".  Could she be any cuter?

My sweet snuggly boy.

She's a hugger!  Its so sweet to watch her hug and kiss her brother.

Diaper head strikes again.  He's funny.

Cruisin'.  He walks on his own, but prefers to hold on to something most of the time.  They push these toys around all day.

Tippy toes!

Nothing really new to report.  Just packing and finalizing plans for our big move.  My mom gets here a week from today and we leave two weeks from today.  I'm not build (mentally) for this kind of stress, so I'm keeping my hands busy.  Watching some Lockup to pump myself up to go start packing the nursery.  

My mind is spinning with decorating ideas.  I'm trying to save, pin (on pinterest) and keep up my decor document in word.  I'm hoping to get the majority of this done within the first month.  If we don't, we'll keep making excuses and it will never get done.  I'm pumped to actually decorate the nursery.  As you know, when I was pregnant with the twins we didn't get to do much.  We lived in base housing, so painting wasn't an option and I was on bedrest of some sort from about 28 weeks on.  We hung pictures and artwork and curtains, but its not the same.  I'm so excited to have the nursery that's been in my head for the last 2.5 years.  

Naptime is over.  Have a great Tuesday!