My babies were technically born premature, what they call "late term" premature. Thirty-six weeks is ONE week shy of full term for twins. Though that's been up for debate. Now they're saying its closer to 38 weeks for twins.
After four weeks in the hospital, laying in a bed, all.day.long. Delivery day came. When I was admitted to the hospital at 32w, getting to 36w+ look like an impossibility. My doctors expected my PIH/pre-eclampsia to take hold and that I'd quickly spiral downhill. My blood pressure was labile (up & down), my 24 hour urine catches kept coming back better and better and my lab work looked perfect. It wasn't until the beginning of my 36th week that things started to look really bad.
I prayed so hard for these babies. I prayed even harder when I got pregnant with them. I knew twin pregnancy was tough and full of complications and risks. I so desperately wanted to get to the coveted 36th week. Statistically, that's where premature babies have less risk for NICU time, lung/breathing issues and other various preemie scaries. And lets be honest, not too many twin pregnancies get to 40 weeks. So 36 weeks was the goal, anything further than that was bonus.
March 22, 2011. I made it! My doctors were just as shocked as I was. They kept telling me what a wonderful, selfless thing I had done for my children. To stay in bed for a month to try to give them more "inside" time just seemed like what I was supposed to be doing. I can't imagine there's a mother out there who wouldn't do anything in the world for her children. Bed rest was nothing. I was just doing my job.
My babies were born healthy, but quickly started to let us know that they were in distress and, in fact, premature. Many factors contributed to their NICU stay-which I had been praying so hard to avoid. Fancy spent 12 days in the NICU and Coach spent 19 looong days there. Each and every day was heartbreaking. The first days were the toughest days of my life.
Regardless of how much preparation you have, the NICU is a battle zone no parent can prepare for. My babies were lucky, in that they never fought for their lives. So many babies do though. There's just nothing more heartbreaking than seeing your child(ren) struggling. In our case, the babies had multiple IV's, a variety of different breathing apparatus' and multiple probes tracking oxygen levels heart rate. Our babies were just the very tip of the preemie iceberg. I can't imagine what some parents go through.
I could write so much about the emotions and the rollercoaster that parents of sick children are on. Its a terribly lonely place. No parent should have to see their child hurt. Everyday we spent 12+ hours just sitting next to their beds. We only left when they made us. Everyday I cried. I cried in the shower, I cried on the way to the NICU, I cried when we had to leave and I cried most evenings. The only time I didn't cry was when I was holding my babies.
I was supposed to change every diaper, feed every meal, soothe every cry. Because they were premature, I had to leave my children in the care of the NICU staff. As completely profoundly amazing as they were, it broke my heart into pieces every.single.day.
With the love, encouragement and care of best NICU staff in the world, my babies got healthy. And then, one day, they were strong enough to come home!
Some pictures of the difficult days...
Sweet baby girl on the cpap-birth day
Coach just minutes after birth-before he started having breathing issues. Notice the IV already in his little hand :(-birth day
Fancy off the cpap (temporarily, she went back on), but still with an IV in her head-2 days old
Coach right after he got off the ventilator. He looks so sick :( Another head IV-3 days old
Baby girl and her daddy bonding-1 day old
Coach the day after coming off the vent-4 days old
I have ONE picture of Coach on the vent. I took with with my iphone and to this day, I can't look at it. His 2 days on the vent were the worst of my life. My son wanted his mother. He wanted to be loved on and comforted and I couldn't. As I write this, tears are falling. Even 8 months later, I can still feel the pain of watching my son cry with no sound. Watching him struggle against the machine in vain. The guilt I feel is incredible. My body couldn't quite hold them long enough. I failed. Watching Coach get sicker and sicker was just testament to that. They figured out the culprit and he got better quickly and caught up to his sister in no time.
And NOW...!
Beautiful, happy, HEALTHY, perfect babies! I'm so incredibly thankful for them. I'm in awe of them. They're amazing and I'll spend every day for the rest of eternity letting them know that. The day they were born I began to live for them. My heart beat for them. Love seems like such a small word for what I feel for them. Its incredible how quickly and completely a mother falls in love with her children. Its incredible and I'm so thankful that I get be their momma!
We were interviewed about our NICU journey and our interview is featured on the hospital birthplace website where I delivered. We're also the brochure for the birthplace!!! Here's a link to hear us talk a little about our birth and NICU stay LINK. (Yes, I'm terribly embarassed about all the squinting and "umming" I'm doing in this video. Holy accent! I look awful, but its not about me, so I posted it). Enjoy!
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