And there He was

Sometimes life is just tough.  Plain and simple.  You get this pit in your stomach and no matter what you do, NOTHING comforts you.  Fear overwhelms you, anxiety rules your thoughts and depression sets in.  I dread this feeling with everything I have.  I hate feeling helpless, I hate losing control.  Its then, when you can't handle one more second of life, one more "bad" thing happening, that He steps in to bear your burdens.  Your mind clears, the icky anxiety slowly melts away and you feel that there is hope.

Its no secret that the last several weeks have been tough ones for us.  I prayed for an answer, some clarity, for the Lord to lift these heavy burdens from our hearts-and He did.  Now, I'm not claiming that every problem or fear I have at this moment has been solved for good, but things are finally looking up.  Nothing has miraculously changed, per say, but the Lord has a way of making a sorrowful heart happy and thus making a seemingly impossible situation look manageable.

I worry if I'll be able to breastfeed like I desperately hope to.  I worry that they won't be born perfectly healthy or that they'll come too soon.  I worry about how we'll ever get any sleep-I will work days and have them at night and M will work nights and have them during the day...ya we know it will be tough BUT have you checked out daycare prices for two?  We'd rather be tired than broke.  I worry about how we'll continue to save, pay down debt and STILL provide everything our new family of four needs.  I worry if I'll be a good Momma-I know that M will be the best Daddy.  I worry if we have enough in savings.  I worry about raising these precious babies so far from everyone that loves us.  I worry about...well, as you can see, I worry about it all ;)

As much as I worry, I know that the Lord is looking out for our little family.  When I was at my lowest point in memory (after my ectopic), I heard THIS song-Untitled Hymn by Chris Rice.  My life changed forever.  "Weak and wounded sinner, lost and left to die, raise your head for Love is passing by.  Come to Jesus...And now your burden's lifted and carried far away, and precious blood has washed away the stain.  Sing to Jesus...Like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl and remember when you walk sometimes you fall.  So fall on Jesus..."  You get the point :)  Such powerful, yet simple words.  Faith.  Faith is the key to not just "making it through" life, but loving life.  He's always there.  It randomly pops on the radio and reminds me that it WILL in fact be ok.  As countless people have told me in the last month-It all works out for the best.  And it does.

Whether your life is good, bad or ugly tonight, I encourage you to look to Him.  Give him the glory, the sadness, the hurt or the pain.  He died so that we might have everlasting life.  My favorite line in that song "Oh and when the love spills over and music fills the night and when you can't contain your joy inside, DANCE FOR JESUS, dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus and LIVE!"  That line pulled me in hook line and sinker.  That line makes all the fears I carry melt away.  It reminds me that regardless of hard times, it will get better and when it does, Dance for Jesus ;)