Addendums to the Birth Story

The PDA was declared CLOSED the day before we left the hospital with {M}!!!  He now has a normal, perfectly functioning 8 week old heart!

The lung issue, I feel the need to elaborate.  Gestational diabetes *can* cause lung maturity issues.  My diabetes was diet controlled, so no one suspected we'd have any complications.  WRONG-O.  I was on bed rest in the hospital for a month in order to keep them inside me as long as possible.  The combination of GD complications and pre-e's restricted blood flow caused them to have majorly immature lungs for their gestational age.  No one could have predicted that my complications would have ended in this conglomeration.  Its hit or miss.  I was one of the unlucky ones who got all the bad from these diseases.  I don't want my story to scare anyone who has to deliver early.  My situation is NOT the norm.

{M} is off all oxygen now and doing well.  We keep the oxygen at the house just in case we notice a need for it. Thankfully, he's done well with the transition and we pray that he continues to do so.  He has such a beautiful face and I'm happy to finally see all of it!

Circumcision.  Yes {M} is circumcised.  The procedure was fast and {M} slept through the entire thing.  They used a numbing cream and some sugar water on his paci to ensure he kept calm and couldn't feel much.  They gave him a couple shots of lidocane (I think it was lidocane) to numb the area.  They made a small incision on the tip of his foreskin and put the plastic bell onto the area.  They wrapped the skin around the bell, clamped it and they were done.  The bell and the foreskin fell off about 5 days later in his diaper.  No blood at all and very little discomfort.  He was a little fussy the afternoon of the procedure, but he ate and slept just fine.  The next day he was back to normal.  

Coming home a week apart.  That was VERY difficult.  It was so hard to walk out of that ward with one healthy baby not knowing when the other would be healthy enough to join her.  I felt like we were abandoning him.  I hated it.  We spent 10-12 hours a day up at the NICU with him.  It was exhausting, but I wanted him to feel us and know we loved him more than anything.  The day he came home was perfection.  It hasn't stopped yet :)

Breastfeeding.  This will forever be a big regret of mine.  The c-section + the NICU stay + them not being healthy enough to breastfeed immediately + the stress + pumping = a mountain of cards stacked against successful twin breastfeeding.  I *really* wanted to be successful here.  I've seen so many lactation consultants-even preemie & twin lactation specialists.  Nothing worked.  I still carry the guilt of not trying harder, but I just couldn't.  I pumped around the clock and tried to bf every day several times.  {A} latched ONCE.  {M} never would.  By the time we were home there was no time for pumping and my supply never reached twin capacity and dwindled as the days passed.  Sure I could have tried herbs and supplements and cut more time out for pumping.  I didn't have it in me to stress about it anymore.  My babies needed a happy, together Momma.  M and I made the decision together to go to formula exclusively.  I'm heartbroken that the babies only got 3 weeks of breast milk, but the lactation team tells me if they were going to get ANY, thats the perfect time to have momma's milk.  So, I resign myself to stinky chalky formula that the babies just love.  Their burps smell awful and their poop even worse, but they are getting the nutrition they need and I feel good about that.  They get full, get all the nutrients they need and are chunking up like you wouldn't believe.  They smile when they are done and that makes me happy that they are content with our decision.  I wish there was a way to make synthetic antibodies :)  Then my heart would truly be at ease with our decision.

How do you do it?  This is my favorite question.  When someone finds out I have twins they look at me with pity in their eyes and as "how do you do it?"  Then they jump on a soap box and tell me about how hard "JUST ONE" was for them.  Well first of all, there's no "just one" about it.  All babies take work and singleton mothers have their hands full too.  Every baby is different.  My answer is, "they make it easy."  Its true, they do.  They are both VERY easy going, good babies.  They eat every three hours (on the nose) and sleep 6-8 hours every night.  They typically sleep between feedings, at the very least between several of them.  When they are awake we do tummy time and sing and dance around the house.  When they cry we rock them or put them in the sling so we can get stuff done around the house.  Babies are emotional creatures.  They react to your emotions.  If you are calm and happy and loving, they will be too.  If you are frantic, they pick up on that and will feel the fear.  

We spend a lot of time listening to music, making eye contact, doing tummy time, singing and praising every little thing they do.  We talk to them endlessly and tell them how much we love them every other minute.  I'm so blessed.  I could not have wished for two more beautiful children.  They are smart and healthy and the love all the kisses they get peppered with all day.  Sometimes I feel like Charlotte from Sex and the City when Carrie confronts her about not running anymore (she's pregnant)


Carrie Bradshaw:  What makes you think something bad is gonna happen?

Charlotte York: Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you. Look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and...something bad is going to happen.

Carrie Bradshaw: Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. I think you're done.

I want to sum this birth story novel up with this.  Pregnancy is tough, birth is even tougher.  Your baby, my babies and every other baby out there is so worth every single moment of pain, sadness, discomfort, etc.  Its normal to fear what you don't know, but if I made it through this with a HUGE smile, you will too :)  Also, be aware of Post Partum Depression (click the "symptoms" link to know what to look out for).  Its very real and very scary if you're dealing with it alone.  If you have any of the symptoms please talk to your OB.  Don't suffer alone.  Your baby needs a healthy HAPPY Mommy.


When my kids were in the NICU I had a very difficult time.  As I mentioned, I cried non-stop and carried so much guilt.  I was a mess.  I suspect coming off twin pregnancy hormones, not sleeping and the whole circus going on in the NICU, that I had a touch of the baby blues.  My OB recognized this and prescribed medication.  I took it while in the hospital.  I filled the script when I got home, but never took it.  I have it in my make up drawer just waiting for the day those feelings crop back up.  I hope they don't, but I'm not living just for me anymore.  I have to take care of myself for my kids.  They need me.  I'm happy, happier than I've ever been, but I know ppd can come back.  

I hope you enjoyed reading about our journey as much as I enjoyed recollecting it.  It was hard, no doubt about that, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.  Theres no way to adequately describe the love a mother has for her children.  Its a feeling I pray every woman (who wants to) gets to experience.  

P.S. for my pregnant, ttc and adoptive momma readers, don't wait 8 weeks to blog your birth/adoption story! I'm dying to read all of them :)